


That's new

by chubissa



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 02:46:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9215375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chubissa/pseuds/chubissa
Summary: I mean, who would've thought?





	

My body hurts like it never did; cramps on my legs due to the exhaustion that make me want to scream mixed with the painful stretch of my stomach of eating too much after being starved for so many days.

I can’t shake the feeling that something is off, that at any moment I’m going to wake up at the box and this would all be just a hallucination.

“So... I guess this is it” Jesus says while straightening the blanket over the bed. I narrow my eyes, watching him cautiously from the doorway. The long haired ninja noticed that I wasn’t moving, so he stopped and turned to look at me. “There’s more covers on the cabinet over there” he pointed to the other side of the room and gave a little shrug. “…If you need… Oh, and the bathroom it’s just behind you…” he looked around and scratched the back of his head “… ‘of course you know that, since you showered in it…” he finishes, talking to himself, clearly uncomfortable. And, hey, I can’t blame the guy. This is awkward as hell.  “Well!” he announces, patting the front of his shirt, startling me from my thoughts. “That’s it then... uhm, goodnight”, I can’t think of what to say, so he starts walking out of the room, brushing  my shoulder as he passes by.

“Where ya’ goin’ ta sleep?” My voice is rough from disuse and both of us are surprised by the question.

“Hm, here, at the couch” he points to the small living room/kitchen, eyeing me carefully, as if analyzing me. Shit, I hate that. “If you need anything-“

“I’m fine”, I grunt for the millionth time today, storming inside my-   _his_ bedroom, reaching for the door so I can finally have some privacy. Except, there is no door. “No door?” I question, side eyeing him. Jesus looks at me for a few seconds and then shakes his head.

“No, no door. This room was improvised, actually” he leans on the doorframe and lightly knocks on the wall. It sounds hollow. “Styrofoam” he explains. Hm. Guess that’s why the wall is covered with posters and curtains and mandalas and shit. Fucking hippie.

“Made it ‘yerself?” I ask, sitting on his bed, not feeling so angry anymore. He shrugs, making no big deal of it.

“Yeah, we make what we can with what we find, right?” he looks around his own room from the corridor and I do the same “Making things a little more personal helps too, you know. Not like I spend too much time at Hilltop, anyway… But I guess it’s nice to have a home to come back to” he seems to realize he’s rambling “Okay… I’m gonna turn in now, sleep tight” he excuses himself, nodding at me with those big freaking Bambi eyes, and then he’s gone.

I throw my back against the mattress, pressing my hands to my face. Yes, I can’t deny, it feels real nice. Having a warm bath, a full meal, a bed with soft pillows…

“And, Daryl” Jesus head peeks inside the room and nearly jump out of bed. Fucking ninja! I lean on my elbows to look at him, grunting a _what_. “If you need to talk…“starting with a quiet voice “I’m here” he carefully proposes.

I avert my eyes from that intense gaze, making an effort to mumble something as an answer.

That sounds good enough for Jesus, though, because he smiles. It’s small, but I can see it. He leaves, just like that.

“Thanks!” I add, feeling suddenly that I haven’t being very nice to the guy that put his neck at risk to get me out of that place.

Shit, why am I always fucking it up? Turns out the son of a bitch wasn’t a total asshole, after all. Not need to be mad at him for things he’s not responsible of.

He doesn’t say anything, thankfully, still… I know he’s heard me.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

 _That_ music is playing, as always, everything is _so_ dark, my throat feels _so_ dry that I can hardly swallow, there’s someone tugging at the back of my sweatshirt. I try to get away, so they tug harder.

I can’t reach behind me, I can’t see the enemy, and they take advantage of that, tugging tight at my neck, _too tight_ , I can’t breathe-

I can’t breathe.

The door

 I can hear it opening…Is it him? Oh, no, not this-

_I can’t breathe!-_

Then my eyes snap open, my lungs achingly expanding with the chilly air in the room.

What? Was it just a dream?

 Everything is dark around me

Don’t remember falling asleep,  where-

Then there’s that screeching sound again

My heart feels like smashing against my ribs and I swallow dry, couldn’t it be-

A whispered curse.

“Shit-“

“What is it?!” startled, I reach for something in the dark that I can use as a weapon.  

“Nothing, it’s fine, calm down, it’s just me” Jesus shushes me.  By his voice, I can tell he’s at the foot of the bed “Just came here to get a blanket, it’s freaking freezing in the kitchen” he goes back to cabinet, forcing the rusted door open. That’s where the noise came from, I guess. _It was just a nightmare, it was just a nightmare_ -

Forcing my eyes to adjust in the darkness, I can barely see Jesus figure fumbling with some blankets. There must be some kind of fend in the blinds, cause, now that my vision feels more used to it,  I can see some moonlight coming in through it.

“Thought you said you were sleeping in the couch” I question with a groggy voice, sitting up and trying to calm myself. Jesus huffs a laugh.

“Yeah, well, thought I would fit in there, but it’s actually smaller than it seems” I can tell he’s moving to leave “Sorry to wake you”

“Wait” I call him back in an unsettled mutter… and instantly regret it.

What

Why did I say that?

Fuck.

My heart keeps beating loudly and I see Jesus is still moving. Maybe he hasn’t heard me. Yeah, he hasn’t. _Thankfully._

Then Jesus drops the blankets off his arm on a chair that’s already pilled with clothes.  He turns to me, not saying anything, just simply moves to my side of the bed and pats my knee, an empathetic expression on his features.

Looking right at him, I slowly pull my knees up so he can sit down. Shit. Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut, now he’ll want to have a heart to heart talk or some soppy shit like that.

Though… He’s still holding my gaze, those blue wide eyes partially illuminated by the streaks of moonlight. That’s unusual. People don’t really like me staring at them like that; it makes them squirm.

But not Jesus.

“Daryl, I cannot imagine what it’s been like to you-“ he begins  with that fucking condescending tone, like I’m some little kid. I visibly flinch. He notices and stops mid sentence.

I let my head fall between my arms that are resting on top of my knees. This is going to be a long night…

My chest tightens as a sudden wave of tiredness hits me.

Locking everything up is just so… _tiring._

Yet leaving everything out it’s too dangerous.

The _wanna be therapist_ in front of me sighs, defeated, and I almost feel sorry for him, because he’s really trying. A hand suddenly lands at the top of my head and my breath catches.

That’s new.

Despite not seeing him, I can _fee_ l his eyes burning into me. When the hand on my head starts petting my hair, I know for sure I can’t look up at him anymore. I curl even more into myself, but the hand still remains there, fucking _caressing_ my hair, pads of the fingers slightly brushing my scalp.

“Not much a man of words, are we?” He asks in a whisper, and I would be lying if I said that doesn’t feel fine. My eyes keep closing without me meaning to, it’s just so-

Then, the hand is gone.

I raise my head “What..”

“Scoot” Jesus asks quietly with a little smile playing on his lips. I mumble a “are you kidding me?” but he only eyes me innocently. “C’mon, I’m cold, scoot over”, he nudges me to move and-

And I move.

I mean, sure, the bed is not that big enough for both of us, but it’s not that small either that he has to sleep on the kitchen floor, right? It’s not fair on him; after all, this is his bed.

Right?

The other side of the bed feels cold as fuck, so I push the wool blanket up to my ears and turn to the side to leave more room for Jesus -and also not to face him.

He happily groans as he gets under the warm blanket, shifting to adjust himself, making the bed creak loudly.

Once he settles, I can’t help but snort. Hell, and I thought talking have been awkward.

“What it is it?” he whispers in a curious tone, just by the side of my ear and damn, the bastard is close.

“Don’t ya’…” I clear my throat and begin again “Don’t ya’ think this is… well, this is clearly an unusual situation…” _just. shut. the. fuck. up, Daryl._

But Jesus gets it.

“Yeah…” he answers. Is he coming closer or it’s my imagination…? The little shit! If he spoons me, I swear-  “Who would’ve thought, hm?” he jokes. Involuntarily, I huff a laugh.

Hearing that, Jesus laughs a little too.

“ _Who would’ve tought_ ” I mock him, still smiling. He laughs harder at my impersonation of his voice. Shaking my head, I can’t help chuckling  “Really…”

He gives me a playful shove “Screw you, I don’t sound like that!” there’s a still smile on his voice, I can hear it.

Who would’ve thought, really… If someone told me that the guy that stole from us, made us lose an entire truck of provisions and nearly got us killed would be sharing a bed with me, I would’ve laughed my ass off.

I snort, snugging into the pillow, closing my eyes. The cramps are almost completely gone and all I’m feeling is weariness of my sore muscles.

Who would’ve thought, right?

Who would’ve thought I would get out of there

That I would survive it

I know I didn’t.

My body tenses. That fucking nightmare…

“Hey, don’t pull the covers all to yourself, man, sharing is-” I feel a tug on the blanket that’s around me.

_Not this again._

My body reacts instinctively and when I realize what I’m doing, I’m facing the ceiling, holding one of Jesus wrist in a painful grip, while he uses his free hand to press my chest against the bed.

“Daryl!” he calls in a hushed tone and I stop struggling when I see the worried look on his face. “Shh, it’s just me” he’s not pushing me anymore but his hand is still placed firmly on my chest.

Feeling my face burn with embarrassment, I try to look anywhere but him, which is kinda hard since he’s leaning over me. “S- sorry” I mumble in a troathy voice, eyeing over his head, focusing on the crackling  white ceiling. My heartbeats betray my attempt to look calm.

Jesus knows better.

His fingers sprawl on my rib cage, and I lower my gaze, taken back, watching the contrast of the blue shirt under Paul’s hand - if anything it makes it feel even tighter than already was. “No need to apologize”, he soothes me, whispering close enough to make the hairs at my neck stand on end. I look up at him, the poor lighting of the room only making it harder to read his expressions “Just…” he licks his lips, hesitantly “Just let go of my wrist, okay?” Oh, right. I’m still holding his left arm in a painful grip, nails digging into the soft skin of his pulse. I let go immediately when I realized that.

“Shit, sorry, didn’t mean ta-“ I begin, ashamed, pushing myself up. The guy must be pissed off at me by now, better get away while there still no damage done.

But now Jesus is on top of me, both hands pressing me against the bed, like he knew I was about to flee.

“I told you, no need to apologize” he reassures. I don’t fight back and let myself be pushed against the pillow, slowly blinking at him, a confused expression on my face. Jesus looks at me for a few more seconds, then backs away, giving me some room to breathe - which I’m very thankful for. He sits on his heels and sighs, placing the hair that had fallen to his face behind his ears. He cocks his head to one side, looking down at me “I get it” he states, in that appealing tone. All I can do stare up at him, furrowing my brows. What the actual fuck… “I might not know what you’ve been through in that place, but I get it” I open my mouth to argue “No, trust me, I do. I know that kind of stuff leaves you… scarred. Fucked up” he takes a deep breath “It’s okay to let it show… Don’t need to play tough. I won’t think less of you because of that” it seems that he’s waiting for me to say something and though I can’t think of anything… that doesn’t mean I haven’t taken his words to the heart “Alright…” he gives up, sliding back to his side of the bed. I just keep still, looking at ceiling as he settles.

 Stealing a quick glance at him, I can tell he’s looking up to the same spot that I am. Guess I stared for longer than I thought, because Jesus eyes dart in my direction.  A slight curl on his lips tells me, yeah, he knows I was watching. Fucking ninja senses or some shit.

Jesus crosses his arms behind his head, knocking my forehead in the process “You know,” I grunt angrily, shimming away from any possible touch of his body, but there’s not much room for that, and my left leg ends up partially off the bed “I won’t force you into talking if that’s not what you want to” he points it out “There’s other ways to show how  your feelings” shrugging, he crosses his legs “Just so you know, I care, okay?…”

I cross my arms on my chest. It feels weird, almost like were some sort of friends.

Truly, it feels like he thinks we’re best buddies. I mean, shit, how could I know if we are or not? Never had anything like that before, except for… my brother, maybe?

But Merle used to say talking about your feelings was for pussies.

Oh, there is Rick, of course, though… I would never bother Rick with my shit, no, he’s got too much on his shoulder already.

So, yeah, how would I know? Never trusted anyone like that before, how would-

Fuck, my eyes are stinging. _No, not here, not now._ I shake my head, trying to get rid of the feeling

“Jesus” I let out in a breath, my voice tight.  
“Yes?” he retorts in with an amused smile. I look at him, and even if my eyes are prickling with tears, I can’t help but huff a laugh. “Sorry, couldn’t miss the opportunity” he apologizes, turning his face away from me.

My heart pangs on my chest, maybe it’s the way he’s speaking, maybe it’s the darkness of the room. He just seems to care in a _special_ way. I guess after all we’re… friends.

Shit, what’s gotten into me?

I take a deep breath and: “A nightmare”

“Sorry?” he groggily answers after a few seconds.

“A nightm- Were… Were you sleepin’? Never mind, was talking to my-“ the bed creaks and I can feel Jesus turning to face me. My hands grab tightly the blanket on my chest, my eyes focused on the suddenly very interesting stains of the ceiling. I gulp audibly.

“No, no” he shushes me, leaning on his elbow so I can’t avoid his gaze “I wasn’t asleep… What were you saying?”

“A nightmare” I murmur slowly, afraid my voice will crack if I try speaking up. That only makes Jesus lean closer, his hair falling like a curtain over his face and the ends tickling the side of my cheek. I scrunch my nose “Would you…” he tugs it behind his ear “…Thank you”

“A nightmare…?” he coaxes, not letting me distract from the subject.

Embarrassed of glancing away like a kid, I decide to look Jesus right in the eyes. Fine, if that’s what he wants, he’s going to get. Watching the concentrated look on his face, I carefully choose the next words I’ll be saying.

Okay.

“I was having a nightmare ‘bout… the box- the place I was in” Jesus doesn’t seem to mind my dumb explanation, simply nodding, urging me to continue “That’s why I asked you to wait” I can’t stand the strong stare on me, so I look away “Fuck, for a moment I thought I was… I was-“ I let a shaky breath out “That’s so… so selfish of me; I don’t have time to… to pity myself, not when… I mean, how am I supposed to face Maggie when I’m like- Godammit!” I curse, covering my face with both of my hands. 

“It’s fine, Daryl, it’s alright,” Jesus free hand comes to squeeze my shoulder in a reassuring gesture. I’m not crying, fuck that, but my body is trembling like a leaf and I just feel like an idiot. So much for talking it out, right? Shit “Look at me, please” gently, he removes the hands of my face “Don’t… Don’t be ashamed” he whispers, leaning his head on his left hand while the right one snakes down my arm to grab mine.  I eye the action, then look up at him with a raised eyebrow. He answers by holding it tighter “Thank you for talking to me, Daryl. It means a lot. You’ll see, things will be fine… I’ll be glad to help you” there’s an intense expression on his face, and if that makes me shiver a little bit, he doesn’t need to know. I look at our entwined hands resting in the space between our bodies again, as if questioning it, but Jesus chooses to ignore it. He yawns and settles back into his pillow, body turned towards me, hand still clasped on mine. “We should probably sleep, tomorrow we’ve a lot of work to do, lots of people to talk to…” he closes his eyes “… get some sleep, Daryl…”

Yeah, I wish.

My eyes fall back on the ceiling. To be honest, I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t feel kinda nice the warmth irradiating from Jesus body or the grounding presence of his hand on mine… You know, after a few awkward moments, it begins to feel… Pleasant, I suppose.

What-

What am I talking?

Fuck, I must be really tired.

It’s just that-

_Stop while you still have the chance, Daryl_

You know,          

_Don’t even think about it_

It’s been a while…

_Shit_

I squirm uncomfortable, the room suddenly feeling too small.

“Can’t sleep?”

“No” I answer too quickly, glancing too quickly to our hands. He furrows his brows.

“There are some painkillers in the bathroom, if you’re not feeling so well-“ I shake my head

“ ‘M fine” it’s my mumbled answer, but Jesus won’t have it. He’s still waiting for me to elaborate, worry on his face “Can’t stop thinking, that’s all” I look at him and silently beg “Go back to sleep, ok?”

Jesus is already pushing the blanket away, standing up “There’s this lady here at Hilltop that used to be a massagist, and she taught me this wonderful trick, to help to relax your neck and back… No, hear me out, it’s pretty quick and you’ll get so sleepy” he’s hovering over me, his hands reaching for my neck. It’s all too fast that I can’t think of what to do “Here, simply gonna give your traps a firm squeeze for a couple seconds” I hiss as soon as I feel fingers pulling at the muscle of my injured shoulder. Jesus immediately withdraw his hands “Oh, sorry! Forgot about shoulder, sorry” he rubs light circle motions on it, as if apologizing.

 My throat feels tight.

“It’s… It’s okay” and my voice sounds so husky I barely recognized it. Is it the poor lighting of the room or Jesus pupils were always that blown wide? Anxiously, I try to push Jesus back to his pillow, before things get even freakier. He bats my hands away, eyeing me the whole time “Wha- what?” he doesn’t answer for a second, but then he’s tracing my right arm with the tips of his fingers “Jesus?” my voice sounds breathy. _Too breathy_. Jesus fucking bites his lower lip at that, lowering his gaze like a blushing maid. The sight of that sends electricity all over my body, making remain still a really hard task “What are ya-“ he’s getting closer, hands on either side of my body, getting closer and closer and…

Jesus lays his head on my chest, snuggling until he’s settled at the crook of my neck. I’m completely surprised by the action, though it doesn’t take long to my arms wrap around his waist, making him sprawl himself on top of me. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“If you want to, I can help, you know?” and the bastard is whispering directly in my ear. I close my eyes because, fuck, it feels good “Put your mind at ease so you can sleep” he suggests, lips brushing ever so lightly against my ear lobe.

“Hm-hmm” It’s all I’m able to say. There’s a few seconds of wait where I hope I’m reading between the lines and he means what I think he means, what if he doesn’-

Oh, he’s pressing his leg between mine under the covers.  The reality finally hitting me with that touch, I jump.

“Wait, I don’t-“ taking a hold of Jesus shoulders “I’ve… I… I _humpf_ ” he’s kissing my neck and that’s it, I’m done. I let my arms fall back, not resisting. Jesus leans on me to look me in the eyes.

“Only relax, okay? I’ll take care of you” he breathlessly prompts, half lidded eyes flickering over me. I turn my face to the other side, blushing deeply. Jesus licks his lips. “Fuck, you look so good like this” his voice is low and thick and I have to bite back a moan. Then he’s back in action, kissing and sucking on the skin of my exposed neck. The sudden feeling of his beard on that sensitive place makes my arms wrap tightly around him, pulling him more and more on top of me. The thigh that’s between my legs timidly presses against my crotch and I throw my head back, panting heavily through my parted mouth.

“Ahh-!” cheeks still burning, I pull Jesus closer, if that’s even possible. He takes hold of my hips, lips caressing my jawline.

“Don’t overthink it, Daryl…” he _purrs_ against my skin “Just… let go” fingers dugging on the borrowed pair of jeans I’m wearing, he deliberately rolls his hips.

“ _huff_ … easy-“ I try to stabilize, hands scrambling on the back of his shirt, not really sure of what to do “Easy for ya’ ta say that..” my body jolts when I feel something _hard_ poke at my hip bone.

Jesus backs away a little, putting his hands on either side of my torso and I blurt out before I can think twice:

“I’ve never…” I hope my unsure hand movements on his body tell him what he needs to know “I’ve never… nothing…” Looking at him, hair falling to one side, lips plump and parted, body vibrating against mine…. All I can think is that I’ll end up making a fool of myself – if that’s not what’s already happening.

Something seems to click on Jesus head as he gently pushes away the hair from my eyes.

Maliciously smirking, he lowers himself again.

“Ohh, now aren’t you precious…”  eyes gleaming, he rests his head on my shoulder, that away he can torment me with his warm lips and breathe on my ear “Like I said, you ain’t gotta worry ‘bout a thing, just relax… and I’ll do the rest” his right hand is skimming over my chest “Tonight is ‘bout you, baby” _fucking hell, did he just call me baby?_

I try to put an angry face, but there’s no credibility in it since I’m blushing like a red tomato. Jesus silently chuckles and pecks me on the cheek

Then all I can feel is his hand travelling down my navel. I turn to look at his fingers caressing the crinkles of my clothing – wait, where did the blanket go?

Never mind, ‘cause now both of us are watching as his hand goes over my belt and _ah!_ -

“Feels good?” he’s sounding a little out of breath, but his soft voice still sends chills down my spine. There’s no way I can answer that, despite wanting to scream that yeah, it feels _so damn good_.

He’s palming my dick over the jeans, slightly rubbing, and I’m already on the edge. It’s painfully constricted in there, but the mere thought of getting naked makes me uneasy. I look up at Jesus, my insides stirring, with a quiet plea on my eyes…to which he answers with a tender smile.

“Don’t think ‘bout it, Daryl…” he snuggles closer; nose brushing against my neck “Why don’t you think about _this_?” his hand gives a little squeeze at that. I let out a loud moan “Yes, that’s right…” he does it again, this time more focused on the outline of my cock and I moan just as loudly, removing one of my hands that clung to Jesus shirt to cover my mouth. _Shit, I’m almost there_.

He keeps rubbing me with such a skillful hand, body still entwined with mine –though I notice he’s keeping _some_ parts away from me – and it’s just so nice, the completely quiet darkness of the room, our heavy breaths being the only sounds in here…

Jesus can sense I’m close. He speeds his motions and huskily asks “C’mon, baby, let go for me”

And that’s it. With a cry of pleasure, my hips stutter and I hold him tightly against me.

Fuck.

_Fuck._

 As the climax starts to clear out of my system, my brain begins to freak out. Oh, shit.

“Now let’s have a peaceful night of sleep, shall we?” Jesus, feeling I was spiraling on my thoughts, wraps an arm around me and sighs contently on my ear…

And for the second time on that day I fall asleep without remembering it.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first english fic ever and even though I proofread it a thousand times, there might still be some mistakes. Please, help this vocabulary limited writer and point them out!  
> Hope you enjoy it, comments & critics are welcome!!!


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